Well, Jack and I are back in Brooklyn. My mom drove down with us and left yesterday and we are finally, officially on our own. This provokes a simultaneous "yikes" and "woo-hoo!" from me when I think about it. It feels like I've been at Baby Camp for the summer and I'm kind of now realizing that Baby Camp never ends. It's going to change and morph and mature into different versions of Baby Camp as he gets older, but I'm never going back to normal again. I know this is not any revelation to anyone - I had a baby, of COURSE it's a long-term commitment, but being back in my apartment has definitely driven this point home. He's napping right now, and since his daytime naps (not in the carseat) last pretty much exactly 45 minutes, I realize I have 45 minutes to do whatever I need to do to get ready for the day. This may be the only 45 minutes before noon that he's not awake or I'm not holding him/rocking him/shhing him, etc... So I got dressed, plucked my eyebrows, and am typing this. 21 minutes to go...
My life is comprised of these little cycles. 3 hour chunks of time where he wakes up, eats, plays, and naps and then it starts all over again. And again. And again. Nights are only slightly different, and since he's regressing in his nightly sleep chunks, the nights are feeling sadly similar to the days in terms of the cycles. IT gets to be 3pm and I think "only one more cycle and we can go to bed" because I go to bed between 7-8pm now. There are moments when I'm lying in my bed, halfasleep and I hear him start to stir and I think "please please PLEASE don't wake up" and then I feel awful because why have a kid if you just want him to sleep all the time so you don't have to deal with him? Though to be honest, I don't want him to sleep ALL the time, but a couple more hours at night would really be nice!
And...I hear him rousing himself in the other room. I forgot to take into account the 10 minutes he was asleep in my arms before I put him in his crib, so it was really only 35 minutes from when he was in the crib until wakeup. Crap. Didn't get to run the dishwasher, brush my teeth, make a cup of coffee, or respond to e-mails. Maybe in this afternoon's 45 minute nap...
Pictures to come...!
I know exactly what you mean about feeling guilty that you want your child to sleep all the time!
ReplyDeleteBut of course you are right that we don't want them to sleep ALL the time, just as CERTAIN times. Like at night, for instance.
I may take a page from your book and start going to bed much earlier.